Baby in a Bar

I had Baby Badger in a bar today. Yep, around 3ish. We were in a Tiki Bar on the beach (my home away from home... the beach, not the Tiki Bar... though some might argue it is the other way). I am sipping on my cheap-ass Chardonnay. Clearly no wine connoisseurs in Mexico Beach, Florida, otherwise a lovely town. But I recommend bringing your own booze if Boones Farm doesn't float your boat.

I ordered my 22-month old a virgin piña colada, which he wants no part of. I am kind of proud of him for refusing the fagotty drink, but it ain't like you can order a virgin Glenlivet on the rocks, so we make do. But it is strange of him to refuse anything with sugar in it... I start wondering if something is wrong.

I know this sounds like bad parenting on the outset (but it gets better). If you are upset about the bar thing then you are kidding yourself if you don't believe that your own child is only a few years away from being belly up to some bar (at a college campus using your credit card if you are lucky) ordering non-virgins of everything on tap. They have to grow up sometime. Like my husband told my son the other day, "Stop acting like a baby!"

OK, so here is where it gets worse. Baby Badger suddenly projectile vomits all over the tiki bar and all over my golden locks and my swim suit and his swim suit and the floor and the bar. It was enough to start a domino vomitorium in that bar. And apparently daddy fed him a bushel of strawberries for lunch because red was everywhere.

People jump to our rescue, except the really drunk lady by the pool who is having "words" with her lounge chair and kicking stuff. Unfortunately, even drunk lady couldn't divert the spotlight from our unfortunate spectacle. All I wanted to do was get the hell out of there but people kept trying to clean chunks of puke out of my hair and clean the vomit off my back.

Finally, I got all the do-gooders off of me by explaining that I was 5 feet from the ocean, which would do a fine job of cleaning the vomit off of baby badger and me. And more important than my appearance was the fact that my child was ill and needed to get home. That point seemed to escape them. I guess they aren't used to caring for babies in their bar.

At the moment I feel really queasy but I can't tell if it is the domino effect or if I am infected. I left baby badger with dad so I could get some fresh air. I am on glass of wine #2 and polished off some spicy buffalo wing dip while watching the sunset on the beach so I think I might live.