The movie is called "African Cats" but I would have prefer a more descriptive title that alludes to the violence and drama that will unfold over the next two hours. Maybe something like, "These Bitch Ass Cats are Going to be Killin' a Bunch of Shit so Cover Your Child's Eyes"... kind of long for a title but come on Disney! You rate something G then the audience is expecting lame, boring, lots of musical numbers... not freaking turf wars between two lion prides.
So this documentary is set against the backdrop of one of the most dangerous places on earth, the Savannah. Their are a few main characters (none of whom were Honey Badgers so that disappointed me right off the bat).
First on the scene is this old-ass lioness named Layla. She is a super experienced hunter and sort of the head of the pride, so the young bitches in the pride don't talk back to her. While she really runs things the lionesses let the only adult male in the pride, Fang, think he is boss... kind of like how we play our men.
Fang fathered all of the cubs in the entire pride so he is pretty keen on keeping his position as the only adult male. He's named Fang because he has this nasty broken tooth that hangs out of his mouth the whole movie. Some war injury or something. Fang, man, let me tell you... broken tooth don't make you look warrior... it makes you look trailer park. Just yank that sucker out. It's nasty.
Now the story of the lion pride has a two-fold plot --- Layla is in her last days but she is trying to hang in there until she can secure a position in the pride for her last cub, Mara (must have been one of those happy accidents).
However the real drama is centers around this pride north of the river that is almost all young males. Those youngins' look south and see this one sorry, broken-toothed old cat with all these young chicks and they are like, "What's up with that, Yo?" And these lions from the north have their hoodies on and their pants hanging down past their underwear and they are all like, "Let's go take over that corner, Yo! That toothless old G ain't gonna stop us." But before they can even make a play for Fang's turf they have to cross a river full of crocodiles. "Oh Snap!" is right. So the boys from the north corner begin to solider up. They need female companionship and that is motivation enough to put down some crocks and one raggedy old school gangster.
Part 2 tomorrow...
So this documentary is set against the backdrop of one of the most dangerous places on earth, the Savannah. Their are a few main characters (none of whom were Honey Badgers so that disappointed me right off the bat).
First on the scene is this old-ass lioness named Layla. She is a super experienced hunter and sort of the head of the pride, so the young bitches in the pride don't talk back to her. While she really runs things the lionesses let the only adult male in the pride, Fang, think he is boss... kind of like how we play our men.
Fang fathered all of the cubs in the entire pride so he is pretty keen on keeping his position as the only adult male. He's named Fang because he has this nasty broken tooth that hangs out of his mouth the whole movie. Some war injury or something. Fang, man, let me tell you... broken tooth don't make you look warrior... it makes you look trailer park. Just yank that sucker out. It's nasty.
Now the story of the lion pride has a two-fold plot --- Layla is in her last days but she is trying to hang in there until she can secure a position in the pride for her last cub, Mara (must have been one of those happy accidents).
However the real drama is centers around this pride north of the river that is almost all young males. Those youngins' look south and see this one sorry, broken-toothed old cat with all these young chicks and they are like, "What's up with that, Yo?" And these lions from the north have their hoodies on and their pants hanging down past their underwear and they are all like, "Let's go take over that corner, Yo! That toothless old G ain't gonna stop us." But before they can even make a play for Fang's turf they have to cross a river full of crocodiles. "Oh Snap!" is right. So the boys from the north corner begin to solider up. They need female companionship and that is motivation enough to put down some crocks and one raggedy old school gangster.
Part 2 tomorrow...
it has been 17 tomorrows since you promised part 2
ReplyDeleteNo one seemed interested. I was starting to think that my movie review posts were a flop. If you really want to know how it ends I will happily post Part II.
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